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July 25: Three Days Away
Journal entry by Michael March — 7/25/2016

Today was the third day of my third or fourth chance. I am probably totally mucking it up as well, or at least feel I have. Simply knowing my favorite part of the day comes with the glowing embers of the setting sun, it has started to take away the joy I always found in the night hours. Now my favorite time of the day also comes with another passing date that will never return.

My inner stress is reaching heights I never thought it could attain, or linger in. I find myself lashing out more than I care to think about, and it is over silly stuff most of the time. I truly feel like I am out of time, and have little reserves left for small talk. I really only need short answers, but always have enjoyed hearing stories, but right now, my world has been turned inside out and upside down.

There are many hours I have sat alone in the dark crying, but never blaming, never asking why. My faith has never been worn on my sleeve and I never thought it was duty to get others to simply believe what I believe, and it's not hard to find your own way. During this experience of dying, my faith is still as rock solid as ever before, and I will not question, I will not run away, and I will remain faithful and hopefully leave a legacy of helping others, while just living out my God given mortality.

I just want those close to me to forgive me during this closing phase of my life. Other than remaining faithful, nothing is easy about this. At some point I fear I will totally breakdown and become what I don't want to become.

I just ask your forgiveness ahead of time.

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