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The Next Stage Begins.
Journal entry by Michael March — 6/23/2016

June 23, 2016
5:03PM - 8:52PM

Today I took the first steps toward the fork in the road. Down the only path I have before me that is something, other than nothing. Without limited options to choose from, chemo will start as early as next week. What comes next and how long it lasts also begins in earnest.

I understand fully just what I have decided to do, while at the very same time, understand the end result is the same no matter the route I choose. This ends with a conversation between me and the doctor, letting me know there is nothing more that can be done.

Then I come home to die surrounded by family. Hopefully without too much pain.

The looming sadness is filling my mind now. One day, soon, I will have no more worries, pains, indecision, fears or hopes. My faith tells me I will be in a better place. All I know right now is I have had a great life, but I would so enjoy 20-30 more years of it. Then I remember Jeff Park. We lost Jeff not long after we all graduated. He missed out on what most of us had. Which means, everything remains relative.

So, that is where things stand at the moment. Once I start on chemo, the ride speeds up a little, or slows down a little, but it will not stop, go into reverse or pull off the road and wait things out.

That is the sadness I now need to wrap my head around. Even for me, someone that likes abstract thought processes, and Escher like mental twists, choosing the date that starts your own demise, well, thats just weird.

Tomorrow, June 24 we once again head to Johns Hopkins.

M
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