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Infusion #3: So it goes.....
Journal entry by Michael March — 3/19/2016

For the past week or two I have been actually feeling better than I have in the previous few months. I have no direct evidence that I am actually doing better, but I feel better. What I mean by feel better is hard to pinpoint to be honest. My breathing still scares the hell out of a lot of folks, me included, and my chest still hurts, but maybe a little less than it has.

My good feelings might be nothing more than accepting things a bit better, or more at ease with the original prognosis. I am just not sure. Honestly it still makes me wonder if this is just how my life has always been for me. It is a strange feeling to have and a harder feeling to explain. Since we all live in the here and now, the now that we are in, is the same now as we always live in. Therefore, I have lived this part of my life, all of my life.

My 11th grade English Teacher, Mr. Kryston, would sit with me after school and we would talk about things just like this, and he determined, early on, I was at essence an existentialist. He totally got where I was coming from, since hell, he wrote a book about it in the early 70's. But that is when I knew I would never fully fit in, or be understood. I sorta was okay with that, and still am.

But anyway, I hope that feeling better is real. We will find out more on March 31. We will once again be in Baltimore for another CT Scan, from my thighs to my eyes. It will give the HopDocs a chance to compare the sizes and numbers of the tumors they saw on January 5, 2016.

At that time, we get an idea of where things stand, where they are going, and what might need to be done. Either way, at least most everything has been taken care of, and each day is just a blessing to have with those that you care the most about. I also have found out there is no reason to hold back a thought, an idea or anything else. That is so much more fun too.

Now, the goal is June 1, and I hope that is not a stretch.

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