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Not Today!
Journal entry by Michael March - February 24, 2017

So, where do things stand after today's treatment. I guess the answer all depends on what the word "good" means to you. Or which side of "good" is actually good.

All is 'good' in the sense the cancer has not gotten out of control, and the chemo is still keeping it at bay, for now. Which is 'good' as long as you aren't the one dealing with the everyday bitch slapping that comes with chemo. But, even with that, 'good' is much better than 'not good'.

My Oncologist told me and Tammy he was not looking forward to today. He ran into Tammy while she was walking the track around the pound outside of the Cancer Center. He was aware of the scan on Tuesday, and was not looking forward to having to tell me "Sorry, there is no more we can do." which is what he thought he would be telling me after seeing my scans. He had not seen them as of time he ran into Tammy.

I got an e-mail letting me know I could login to "My Chart" to see the results of the scans, and for the only time since I have been using the "My Chart" system, the written results were not included in what was posted. There was a link to follow, but it went no where. I told Tammy we needed to prepare for The "Sorry, there is nothing more we can do. You should go home and we will keep you as pain free as possible." Statement.

But Thursday was just not the day. I was given at least another month. At least. Of course, it's not like they will give me "The Statement" and I go home and die the next day, although that is always possible, it is highly unlikely in my situation. It will most likely take a few weeks for me to succumb to the cancer's wrath, but probably only a few weeks of me being aware of what is going on. At some point the pain killers take over and my interactive life ends before my body is ready to close up shop.

Even my Oncologist asked me today how many hours a day I am awake. I do know my days are getting shorter and shorter with each passing week. But of course I am awake at odd times of the day, but when I am awake, I am awake. I have given up on having a normal wake sleep cycle. which is why it is hard to have visitors over.

So the results from my Tuesday CT Scans? They were good. I have not been given the go home and die thing yet, so I feel like I have been given at least another month of slowly feeling myself cycle out of this life, and cycle into another. That is simply the way I am looking at this journey.

But, on a good note, a long time friend stopped by the chemo lab right before they started to hook me up, and she became the 100th Member of the 2017 Skyline Gaggle of Noobs! Our goal of 200 Bikes for 2017's Bikes For Tykes Campaign is looking good. I might not be here for the Gaggle to reach the goal, but we are well on our way. We had another friend of the Gaggle already purchase a whole bike and gave it away in our name. THAT is awesome!

So the results were both good, and great. Good that I am not checking out too soon, and great that the Gaggle is working towards helping more kids whether I am here or not. That makes even a bad result, better.

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